I seriously need some spice in my life

SERIOUSLY, IT'S MY UNIVERSAL SAUCE (everything tastes bland without it) AND THE SPANISH ARE WIMPS WHEN IT COMES TO SPICY FOOD. I TRIED HINTING TO MY SPANISH MOM HOW MUCH I MISS IT, BUT I DON'T THINK SHE GETS IT. I'M GETTING WITHDRAWALS AND A CHRONIC BLAND TASTE IN MY MOUTH. MY BUDS (tastebuds) ARE DYING!! 

I'm also craving carne asada fries drowned in tapatio from Rigobertos;

 a california burrito (overflowing with tapatio); 

korean bbq (no need for tapatio.....maybe);

 a friggn good chocolate milkshare with in-n-out fries (definitely no tapatio)

Good thing is, I just asked my real mom if she would send me a huge cosco sized tapatio and some hot cheetos. Hope it arrives soon! I don't know why it took me so long or how I survived so long. 

But now, I'm going to Paris to try......

meow

i'm a fool when it comes to school

First off, I barely even know what it means to be in school anymore. Yea, I go to class and everything. But it hit me recently (because we have tests this week) that I really forgot how to study! Also, for some reason, I didn't think we had class this morning because I had a test in the afternoon, and last time we had a test, we didn't have class the other days. I swear, Maria Jesus (my grammar teacher hates me).

So I wake up to the sound of screaming and crying kids, yet again. I gather my things and go to the dining table to study some more, seriously, this time. Then my Spanish mom comes home and starts watching the news. After some time, she turns it off and tells me, it's better that she doesn't watch it because it shows so much bad in the world. How evil some people really are. She tells me of these 2 homosexual prostitutes who murdered a priest of a catholic church. Hmm suspicious, eh? Then we start to talk about catholic churches and the differences between that and protestant churches. She tells me that before her and Quique got married, they had to go through a premarital course through the church which told them they couldn't have sex nor use contraceptives, and a bunch of other legalistic things. She then proceeds to tell me that the whole class was trying not to laugh because the whole world is having sex. And they basically all had to lie to pass the test.

I just smiled and nodded. But then there was just this itchy feeling in my gut, telling me that I had to tell her something. So I did. I told her my views and beliefs about marriage, sex, the Christian perspective. Then she wide-eye stares at me, like she just saw a ghost or something. She couldn't believe what she was hearing, that I don't believe in premarital sex. But there's more to that, I told her. It's not the act of sex. It's just something thats so precious to me that I wouldn't want to share it with any one else but the person I fall in love with, my husband. Then she says, so it must be hard for you over here since the Spanish boys are, you know. I chuckled and told her that my faith comes first. That whoever I choose to marry has to share in my faith also.

But the whole time, I was thinking in the back of my mind, oh my gosh, I have a test in less than an hour, I've barely studied for it, and we've been talking forever.. but this is such an interesting topic, and WHAT an opportunity. I checked my phone for the time. 10:40. I had to get to school by 11:30 and it's basically a 30 minute walk to school. But I continue on, saying, "God, you better take care of this".

Then I basically tell her my life story, well as much as my spanish would let me. I just told her how I came to Christ, and how my life has completely been turned around. That I was not always the way I am now. It took took me so much pain, mind renewing, tears, pillow-muffed (and sometimes not) screams, to get to a place I'm at now (and I know the journey's far from over) The whole time I was praying, "God, please let me make some sort of sense!" And I think she understood. I told her the difference of knowing God's love in your head vs knowing it in your heart. I told her that my transformation could have only been through the power of God. I really hope she saw the beauty of God's grace, of God's love. She's been going through a tough time right now, and I know she's searching. She's trying to be the perfect mother to her 2 and 5 year olds, and at the same time, also be there best friend (so she yells at them, then feels guilty, then becomes a push-over and let them do whatever they want, and then yells at them again, and negative feedback loop continues). It's heartbreaking to see her constantly stressed and worn-out. It wears me out. But I'm just going to keep on praying for her.

Its funny because when I showed up to class after. Janice was like, "Where have you been? I called you twice!". But I had been checking my phone for the time, and I hadn't received any missed calls. It's times like these when I know, I just know God is planning and has planned something so incredibly great. Even if I get a crap grade, it's for the glory of the Lord. And that to me, is more than enough.

----you know what else is funny that I just realized. Just the day before, I was praying that my spanish would be good enough for me to be able to share my faith. crazy

Eat, Pray, Lov-ing It-aly!!

wow! Can you believe it’s been more than a month?? It’s weird because at times, I feel like times go by so fast, and other times, I feel as if it’s taking it’s sweet time.

Anyways, less about time, more about my travel to Italia! But first I want to tell you of a book I’ve been reading, “Eat, Pray, Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert. I absolutely love this book because I feel like me and Liz are pretty much the same person (granted there are differences, of course). But the way she describes how she processes every emotional, mental, experience, was like WOW, I completely relate to that because I’ve felt that at least once in my life. Just the way she came to God, the emotional, mental, turmoil and anguish that she went through, was just something I found so familiar. After all this inner struggle, she goes to Italy to, basically heal from her open wounds. And I guess you can say that what saved her was, food. Pizza, pasta, gelato. All day, eerrvery day. I know what you’re thinking….food? But it wasn’t so much food; it was the simplicity of its pleasure.

As a psychology major (I know, I always do this), I’ve studied that the difference between people who fall into depression/anxiety and normal people isn’t that depressed people experience more unpleasant things. It’s that they experience less pleasurable things. Happy people are able to find pleasure in simple things, things such has having coffee while reading the paper. It’s all about perceptions. If you aren’t receptive to the simple wonders around you, you’re not going to experience them. And if you don’t experience, you’re less likely to be happy. But it’s so easy to overlook the simple, especially in our society. It’s almost as if we’re desensitized. We work extra hard to live extra happily. But when we go on these extravagant vacations, we can’t even enjoy them. Why? Because if you can’t even enjoy the simple pleasures in life, how are you to fully enjoy the greater? Happiness isn’t the things you do. It comes from the inside out. If you’re not happy inside, nothing you do on the outside will ever make you happy (and I define happiness as contentment with your life)

With that said, I found my trip to Italy very much a mental, emotional, and spiritual experience. As you may or may not know, I’ve had a pretty rough last year. Sorting through so much emotional, spiritual baggage. Having to face so much ugliness in my life and not only accept it, but to embrace it, and use it. I’ve realized that all my life, I’ve harbored this open wound, but instead of healing from it, I’ve built walls around it. But not only walls. Fortresses, with barbed wires, and electrical fences. I let no one in, not even myself. So when I tried to break down those walls, it was as though I emotionally endured the cutting of barbed wires to the point that it was physically draining. Long story short, I felt numb to the point where I could not enjoy anything, I had major anxiety and almost-depression (because anxiety leads to depression). For most of my life, I had looked through obscured lenses—too afraid to hope, always expected the worst, cynical, with major trust issues. But winter and spring quarter of last year, God really put people in my life who helped me come out of that. The healing process felt soo sloow. I constantly struggled with whether or not I was actually getting better. But now looking back, it was actually incredibly fast. It takes years and years for some people to even come as far as I have—mentally, emotionally. Just another evidence of God’s healing power.

Anyways, Italy assured me that I’ve healed far more than I thought I did. We didn’t do anything grand. In fact, when I was in Florence, I spent most of my morning laying around a fountain in a botanical garden. It was something so simple, but I enjoyed it so much. I know that some people may think, “what a waste of money, you go to Italy, to lay around a garden, when you can do that almost anywhere and not have to spend that much”. Trust me, I understand, because I used to think that way (I’m a big advocate getting every penny’s worth) But then with that kind of thinking, there’s so much pressure. Pressure to see, to “appreciate”, to absorb, to “enjoy”, everything in an impossible amount of time. But, I think that for me to be able to enjoy the simple things in a city so full of extravagance was proof that I’ve reached a point of contentment in my life. And that, to me, is priceless.

our panini stop!

Knowing that, was the highlight of my trip, because then I was able to enjoy everything else. Like the absolute BEST Panini (the cute boy who made my panini helped) and gelato in the world.

Oh, and also, I got food poisoning the day before I left Italy. After throwing up all day, I got the flu (I’m still sick right now). Great, right? Because my sole purpose in Italy was to eat as much as I possibly could. But now I couldn’t even smell or taste. But that did not stop me. I stuffed my face anyway, and I pretty much forced my taste buds to taste. (Also, I completely lost my voice the second day in Florence—we were planning to go to Venice too, but 3 out of 4 of us were sickly so we didn’t make it, and I’m so glad because I love Florence—but I didn’t let it bother me, I continued on with my sultry raspy voice anyway).  This was when I realized the power of positivity. I refused to let this stupid little obstacle ruin my trip. And I had so much fun still!

This was my first pizza in Pisa. A meter long Margarita with a liter of wine!

Gelato!

Bunch of naked statues, the fake statue of David (I mean it’s not like I’m going to get some supernatural tingly feeling if I see the real one, so why pay?)

Real mature, I know

I just don't understand how and why the Romans think of these awkward positions

Statue of David

Just incase one's not enough

The Duomo in Florence. This was incredible because we were just wandering around Florence, without an agenda, just the knowing that the next stop was some church marked by a square on the map, (none of us had ever seen pictures). And I was following the map so intently, (Yes! I guided us there!—if you know me, I’m probably the most directionally challenged person ever), that when I looked up, it was like BAM in my face. It was such an overwhelming feeling of DAAAAAANNGGG.

After, we stumble upon the best gelato place ever. Festival del Gelato! (which looked like a 80’s discotecha)

Then we went to the river (don’t know why but all the rivers in Europe are a barfy green)

At night, we wandered around—seriously, wandering is the best! We come to a piazzi, and I hear this heavenly music. We follow the sound and its this (I want to say) couple, performing. She’s singing, and he’s on the accordion. It was beautiful. So beautiful in fact, I had to buy a CD, and not only that, get both their autographs, and hold up the entire show so I can get a picture with them both (yea, I got an applause for that). My mom would love this!

The next day, my friend Lauren and I trek all the way up to the Piazzale Michelangiolo for this amazing landscape view of Florence. It was so lovely because people just sit on the steps and sip wine.  We sat there soaking it all in.

The next day, we take a 4 hr train to Roma.

Roma…..was FILLED with tourists! Everywhere we turned were people squished into tiny streets. It was crazy!

this place was crawling with people, gross

making a wish at Trevi Fountain!

Trevi Fountain. We had to fight our way to the front.

But seriously in Roma, every five steps, there’s something to see. We decided to buy a Roma pass anyway. Free transportation (although I never see people actually pay for the bus) and we got to see 2 sites for free without waiting in line.

El Foro Romano (oh gosh, just had a test on this. Basically it was a public space for citizens)

Something Roman

First stop, obvi, COLOSEUM!

Colosseum on a sunny day, it was gloom when we went

Thought this was cool

me and my friend emily!

Did you know that they would also have naval battles in the Colosseum?? Yah, they would flood the place with water and then have ships battle each other. craazzzy

Then it started pouring, which was perfect timing because I had just bought my Roma umbrella.

Then we go Eat, Pray, Love-status and ask the locals for the best, non-touristy, restaurants. We found this tiny corner restaurant called Augusto in the cutest non-touristy area ever. It was the best Caprice salad and chicken with this saucy tomato spice I’ve ever had (and of course, with a liter of wine)! It was a much-needed break after a day of walking all over Roma in the rain.

Piazza where our restaurant was near

Then gelato, duh

Next day, we wake up early to attempt to get into Vatican city. When we arrived, there were already buttloads of people waiting. We didn’t want to play the line game. So we went to the free area ahaha.

Then we had to use up one more free item, so we decide to go to the oldest museum. It was as interesting as an old museum gets (not very). I don’t like museums much. I wish there was someone telling me the history behind all of it. I felt like I was seriously just looking at pieces of rocks sculpted into human form. It wasn’t very special, for me at least.

Though I enjoyed Rome, there was just so much pressure to see everything, because there’s so much to see. Even if I stayed a few months, I still wouldn’t be able to see everything.

So because we fly back out from Pisa, we take the morning train back. It was a nice 4 hr ride/nap along the ocean (oh how I miss San Diego). Went to the leaning tower, watched everyone do funny poses, did them ourselves, then made our way, yet again, to another pizza/gelato place, an amazing way to end Italia.

hehe, had to

on our way to get our last gelato!

However, our flight was delayed 3 hours because there was a strike in France (no idea how that affected us) and ended up flying out at 12:30 am. Arrive at the Malaga airport at 3 in the morning. Fell asleep on the most uncomfortable chairs with immovable armrests (and attempted to lay down on them). Our plan was to catch our 6:45am train back to Cordoba and make it to class by 9:30. But, we took the wrong metro, missed our train, took the next cheapest one and made it to our second class (shower included!).

Through all of this travel fiasco, I’ve learned to just let go, and move on. Things are bound to go wrong. It’s nobody’s fault and it’s pointless getting upset. Try hard to look for the positive (because I guarantee you, there is), then figure things out from there.

So….don’t worry, `bout a thing, cause everything’s going to be all right.

Can’t wait to go back!

Love Italy!