First off, I barely even know what it means to be in school anymore. Yea, I go to class and everything. But it hit me recently (because we have tests this week) that I really forgot how to study! Also, for some reason, I didn't think we had class this morning because I had a test in the afternoon, and last time we had a test, we didn't have class the other days. I swear, Maria Jesus (my grammar teacher hates me).
So I wake up to the sound of screaming and crying kids, yet again. I gather my things and go to the dining table to study some more, seriously, this time. Then my Spanish mom comes home and starts watching the news. After some time, she turns it off and tells me, it's better that she doesn't watch it because it shows so much bad in the world. How evil some people really are. She tells me of these 2 homosexual prostitutes who murdered a priest of a catholic church. Hmm suspicious, eh? Then we start to talk about catholic churches and the differences between that and protestant churches. She tells me that before her and Quique got married, they had to go through a premarital course through the church which told them they couldn't have sex nor use contraceptives, and a bunch of other legalistic things. She then proceeds to tell me that the whole class was trying not to laugh because the whole world is having sex. And they basically all had to lie to pass the test.
I just smiled and nodded. But then there was just this itchy feeling in my gut, telling me that I had to tell her something. So I did. I told her my views and beliefs about marriage, sex, the Christian perspective. Then she wide-eye stares at me, like she just saw a ghost or something. She couldn't believe what she was hearing, that I don't believe in premarital sex. But there's more to that, I told her. It's not the act of sex. It's just something thats so precious to me that I wouldn't want to share it with any one else but the person I fall in love with, my husband. Then she says, so it must be hard for you over here since the Spanish boys are, you know. I chuckled and told her that my faith comes first. That whoever I choose to marry has to share in my faith also.
But the whole time, I was thinking in the back of my mind, oh my gosh, I have a test in less than an hour, I've barely studied for it, and we've been talking forever.. but this is such an interesting topic, and WHAT an opportunity. I checked my phone for the time. 10:40. I had to get to school by 11:30 and it's basically a 30 minute walk to school. But I continue on, saying, "God, you better take care of this".
Then I basically tell her my life story, well as much as my spanish would let me. I just told her how I came to Christ, and how my life has completely been turned around. That I was not always the way I am now. It took took me so much pain, mind renewing, tears, pillow-muffed (and sometimes not) screams, to get to a place I'm at now (and I know the journey's far from over) The whole time I was praying, "God, please let me make some sort of sense!" And I think she understood. I told her the difference of knowing God's love in your head vs knowing it in your heart. I told her that my transformation could have only been through the power of God. I really hope she saw the beauty of God's grace, of God's love. She's been going through a tough time right now, and I know she's searching. She's trying to be the perfect mother to her 2 and 5 year olds, and at the same time, also be there best friend (so she yells at them, then feels guilty, then becomes a push-over and let them do whatever they want, and then yells at them again, and negative feedback loop continues). It's heartbreaking to see her constantly stressed and worn-out. It wears me out. But I'm just going to keep on praying for her.
Its funny because when I showed up to class after. Janice was like, "Where have you been? I called you twice!". But I had been checking my phone for the time, and I hadn't received any missed calls. It's times like these when I know, I just know God is planning and has planned something so incredibly great. Even if I get a crap grade, it's for the glory of the Lord. And that to me, is more than enough.
----you know what else is funny that I just realized. Just the day before, I was praying that my spanish would be good enough for me to be able to share my faith. crazy
